So I did the most American thing I could possibly do yesterday. No, I didn't eat at McDonald's.

Okay, so I did the second most American thing yesterday, I voted.

All those attack ads I heard throughout the month really helped me make my decision. It boiled down to if I wanted a candidate that was going to siphon off tax money to fund their brothels or a candidate that was going to personally beat puppies to death with a pipe in front of Children's hospitals.

If you're using the good ol' Gregorian Calendar, we have entered the third of the "berrr" months. Because ya know, they all end with 'ber' and it's cold right now. Comedic gold. Unless you live in Texas or something. Then it's like, Comedic bronze at best.

Today is also World Vegan Day. Unless you have a thick German accent. Then it's Vorld Wegan Day.

I guess I'll try not having milk with my cereal today, but no one is stopping me from having my raw veal and baby seal smoothie. Just kidding, that'd be gross. It's more of a shake than smoothie.

Halloween is right around the corner friends. It's time once again for all the atheist to come together and worship their lord Satan, and yet another year to bust out those age old Halloween traditions:

- Children dressing up in costumes.

- Trick or Treating.

- Halloween candy.

- Haunted houses.

- Carving pumpkins.

- Dressing up like a slut.

Woah woah woah there. Dressing up like a slut? What kind of Halloween do you celebrate buddy?

You know what I'm talking about. Apparently Halloween is not only a day for kids to increase their chances of becoming diabetic, but also an excuse for girls to dress skanky.

Ladies, you don't need an excuse. If you really have such a strong desire, don't let those other 364 days hold you back.

Adjectives are key here: 'Naughty', 'Dirty', 'Sexy', 'Slutty.' Tack words like those before anything and you have just made it a skanktastic Halloween costume. Naughty Nurse, Dirty School Girl, Slutty Nun. It all works.

I'm not sure when women decided they had to up the slut factor on their costumes. Being just Snow White isn't good enough anymore. She has to have massive cleavage and a vagina flap cover.

I feel like it's almost a step back in woman's rights and gender equality that women openly embrace, like singing their favorite words to a rap song about slapping a ho's booty.

It reaches intense levels of hilarity when it becomes its own category in costume shops. Ignoring the disturbing fact that it has to have an "Adult" label under it, let's take a look at a few, shall we?

Summer School Dropout Lingerie Costume

There are just so many things wrong with "Summer School Dropout Lingerie Costume. Promoting dropping out of summer school, being slutty, and lingerie all at the same time. I don't know if I'll be able to feel feeling again.

Penthouse Pet of the Year

I do appreciate that the Penthouse Pet of the Year gets right to the point. Too bad it probably looks retarded from behind.

Office Tramp

How can vulnerable white collar men resist the allure of the Office Tramp? Look ladies, how can your poor husbands honestly stand a chance when she dresses for work like that every damn day?

Then there are a couple that reference being a child or infant, cause ya know... fuck it.

Naughty Little Girl Lingerie Costume

Baby Girl Costume

My favorite is when they just start getting lazy and have 'costumes' that are nothing more than a slutty outfit, which at that point I don't think your "dressing up in a costume" anymore. You most likely have a matching outfit aleady in your closet.

Slinky Clubwear Mini Dress Set

Ladies Club Mini Skirt Wear Set

So remember to honor Halloween tradition this year and slut it up! I'm personally looking forward to when they finally slut up Christmas Sweaters.