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Posted October 16, 2014 at 2:05pm
Look into its eyes. There's no mercy left in those eyes.
Posted October 13, 2014 at 1:11pm
What do you even feed a house?

Small children you buffoon! Common knowledge.
Posted October 10, 2014 at 2:01pm
The dictionary has all of the answers, just the words are in the wrong order.
Posted October 6, 2014 at 3:22pm
Okay, so I ate some poop earlier. I'm only human!
Posted October 2, 2014 at 3:09pm
Leave it to a cow to ruin our skinny dippin' sesh in the middle of the ocean.
Posted September 30, 2014 at 1:39pm
I suggest you leave now. I am dangerously horny. No one is safe.
Posted September 25, 2014 at 2:51pm
Man, I haven't had to use that since I shot Big Foot.
Posted September 22, 2014 at 2:27pm
Not quite sure why you wanted to sit with your sister that long.
Posted September 19, 2014 at 1:47pm
It was the Facebook page with motivational quotes that really pushed me to succeed.
Posted September 17, 2014 at 2:47pm
I'd help push, but I'm tired from pushing you on the swing.